A Different Kind of Summer Lovin’
by, Lexi Zipkin
(Synergy eTherapy Summer Intern. Tulane College Student. Future Therapist. )
A summer of working, learning, growing and loving.
But the loving part needs more explanation.
My first blog post highlighted the challenges that come with transitioning from college to home for the summer, and I suggested some lessons that can be learned from those struggles.
Little did I know that my biggest challenge would be entirely personal and will now be all over the internet for everyone to read about. If disclosing some feelings that are incredibly difficult to put into words reaches at least one person to let them know they’re not alone… mission accomplished.
Heartbreak.
I’ve spent the last few years working on myself to become more confident mentally, physically, and emotionally.
I had high hopes for the summer as I felt I was ready to get back out there. However, every attempt was either met with an “I want to, but…” or some other excuse. More than one guy, more than one time. So what’s wrong with me? Maybe I’m not pretty enough, maybe I’m too awkward, or maybe I’m unlovable. Put simply, that’s how I felt. Unlovable.
That was until I came to the realization that I was looking for love in all the wrong places.
Once I took a step back and thought about the people in my life and the experiences I’ve had this summer, I wanted to kick myself for getting so discouraged. Whenever I needed to rant or get advice, my friends and family were always there to lift me up.
All my mom has to do is look at me to know whether I need a good laugh, a shoulder to cry on, or a big hug. Daily texts from my dad just to check in show how much he cares.
When I surprised my sister at her camp, the smile with tears streaming down her face told me how she felt to see me.
When a friend’s mom reached out to grab coffee and help me network professionally, I couldn’t imagine where this kindness came from.
Above all, I don’t think I’ve ever felt more loved than when I had to go into work at the preschool late one day and all my kids came running to hug me while screaming my name and telling me how much they missed me.
This is the kind of love I didn’t have to beg for, and it’s the kind of love I didn’t know I needed.
To anyone struggling with romantic relationships, you’re not alone. Know that you are good enough, and you can’t find your worth in another person.
Find your worth in yourself and then find someone who’s worthy of loving you. In the meantime, allow yourself to see and feel the love that’s all around you.
Also, take the time to work on LOVING YOURSELF. For me, I know that simple things like reading for pleasure, working out, journaling, and getting my nails done make me feel good.
When you’re having a hard time, think about the little things you can do to show yourself some love.
Synergy eTherapy is a tele-mental health group therapy practice helping all moms access the care that they deserve. All sessions are by phone and video from the comfort of your home or surroundings. Please visit our HOME page for more info.
