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Supporting Someone in Crisis: What to Say (and What Not to Say)

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Supporting Someone in Crisis: What to Say (and What Not to Say)

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When someone we care about is in crisis, it’s natural to want to help. However, knowing the right words to say—and what to avoid saying—can be challenging. Whether the crisis involves anxiety, depression, grief, or another mental health issue, the way we respond can make a big difference. This article aims to offer simple, helpful advice for supporting someone during these tough times.

Understanding Crisis and Why Your Support Matters

 

A crisis can be anything from a sudden loss, a breakup, the pressure of daily life becoming too much, or an intense mental health struggle. When someone is in crisis, their emotions can feel overwhelming. They may feel stuck, hopeless, or unable to see a way out of their pain. Having someone who listens, understands, and responds with care can help them feel less alone.

Supporting someone in crisis doesn’t mean you have to solve their problems. In fact, the most valuable thing you can do is offer a safe space for them to express their feelings without judgment. Your words, actions, and presence can show them that they are valued, seen, and loved.

What to Say: Simple, Supportive Statements

 

When someone is experiencing a mental health crisis, what you say—and how you say it—matters. Here are some supportive statements that can help:

“I’m here for you.”

This simple phrase lets the person know that they are not alone. It shows your willingness to listen and be present, which can be incredibly comforting during a crisis.

“It’s okay to feel this way.”

Validating their feelings helps to normalize their experience. Letting them know that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed, sad, or anxious can take away some of the guilt or shame they might be feeling.

“I care about you.”

Sometimes, people in crisis need to be reminded that they are cared for. Expressing your concern and love can be a lifeline when someone feels isolated or misunderstood.

“You’re not alone; we can face this together.”

Reassuring them that they have support can make a huge difference. Crisis can make people feel isolated and disconnected, so hearing that someone is by their side can be incredibly comforting.

“I don’t have all the answers, but I’m here to listen.”

You don’t need to have the perfect solution. Being honest about not having all the answers, while still offering to listen, shows that you care without putting pressure on yourself or the person in crisis.

“It’s okay to take things one step at a time.”

When someone is feeling overwhelmed, breaking things down into smaller steps can help. Encouraging them to focus on one thing at a time can make the situation feel less daunting.

“Would it help to talk about what’s going on?”

Asking this open-ended question gives them the option to share if they’re ready. It shows that you’re available to listen but are not forcing them to talk if they’re not comfortable.

“You deserve to feel better.”

This can be a powerful reminder, especially if they’re feeling undeserving of support or struggling with self-worth. Letting them know that they deserve to feel happy and well can be uplifting.

What Not to Say: Words That Can Hurt More Than Help

 

Even with the best intentions, certain phrases can come off as dismissive or invalidating. Here are some common statements to avoid when supporting someone in crisis:

“Just calm down.”

Telling someone to “calm down” can make them feel like their emotions are invalid or exaggerated. Instead, focus on creating a calm environment and providing gentle reassurance.

“It could be worse.”

Comparing their crisis to something worse minimizes their feelings and struggles. What they’re experiencing is real to them, and acknowledging their pain is more supportive than trying to put it into perspective.

“You’re overreacting.”

Statements like this can make the person feel judged or dismissed. It’s important to remember that their emotions are valid, regardless of whether you would react the same way.

“Everything happens for a reason.”

While this might seem comforting, it can come across as dismissive of their pain. During a crisis, people often need acknowledgment of their feelings, not a philosophical explanation.

“Others have it worse.”

This statement can make them feel guilty for having their emotions. While it’s true that others may face difficult situations, it doesn’t change the reality of what they are feeling in that moment.

“Snap out of it.”

If only it were that simple. This phrase implies that their feelings or struggles are something they can easily control or ignore, which is rarely the case in a mental health crisis.

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How to Show Support Beyond Words

 

Supporting someone in crisis isn’t just about what you say; it’s also about what you do. Small, thoughtful actions can show that you genuinely care:

  • Listen actively: Give them your full attention when they talk. Avoid interrupting or giving unsolicited advice. Sometimes, just being heard can provide a lot of comfort.
  • Offer practical help: Ask if there’s anything specific you can do to help. This could be as simple as bringing them a meal, running an errand, or helping with daily tasks.
  • Respect their space: While it’s important to be available, respect their need for space. Let them know that you’re there whenever they’re ready to talk or accept help.
  • Follow up: A crisis can last longer than a single conversation. Checking in later shows that you continue to care about their well-being.

The Importance of Taking Care of Your Own Mental Health

 

Supporting someone in crisis can be emotionally draining. It’s essential to take care of your own mental health as well. Here are a few tips:

  • Set boundaries: It’s okay to take breaks and set limits on your availability. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so be mindful of your own emotional reserves.
  • Seek support: Talk to friends, family, or a mental health professional if you’re feeling overwhelmed. It’s perfectly fine to need support yourself while helping someone else.
  • Practice self-care: Make time for activities that help you relax and recharge. This might include exercise, hobbies, or simply taking a few quiet moments to breathe.

Getting Professional Help

 

Sometimes, supporting a loved one through a crisis means encouraging them to seek professional help. Mental health professionals are trained to provide support, therapy, and resources tailored to an individual’s needs. Here are some ways to approach this topic:

  1. Normalize seeking help: Remind them that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Many people find it helpful to talk to a therapist, counselor, or support group during tough times.
  2. Offer to help find resources: If they’re open to it, offer to help them find a therapist or other mental health support. This could involve researching local mental health services, providing contact information for hotlines, or accompanying them to their first appointment.
  3. Respect their choice: While you can encourage them to seek help, it’s important to respect their decision. Everyone’s journey is different, and they may need time to come to the decision themselves.

Conclusion

 

Supporting someone in crisis can be challenging, but your care and presence are valuable. Even if you don’t always have the perfect words, being there to listen and show compassion makes a world of difference. Keep in mind that it’s okay not to have all the answers. Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is simply be there, reminding them that they are not alone.

And, while you’re supporting others, don’t forget to take care of your own mental health. Surround yourself with support, practice self-care, and seek professional guidance if you need it. Supporting someone in crisis is not just about helping them through their tough times; it’s also about creating a balance that allows you both to heal and grow.

depression lady in dark

If you, or know of someone who could use some online counseling to feel heard and learn ways to cope, please connect with one of our therapists today for a free consultation.

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