Over 50% of American families are divorced, but what does that mean for the kids?

We have all heard the statistics. Divorce is more common these days than staying together. And with divorce comes family dynamics changing. Most families would agree that putting their kids first is the most important piece of dividing up a household. But what does that really look like?

Being a parent requires a lot, being a parent and keeping on top of your own mental health- huge.  So, first of all, pat yourself on the back. You’re doin it!  Great job! Second, parenting with someone who doesn’t live under the same roof as you presents challenges. Here are some tried and true tips to jumpstart your mental health and co-parenting superpowers.

Top 10 Co-parenting Tips

10) Always Put Your Children First

This one might seem like a no-brainer, but it’s very easy to get sucked into putting parenting on the backburner when you are going through a divorce. What might not always be clear is that your child needs stability during this time. Keeping things as much the same as possible is key. Ask yourself and pose to your child, “what is NOT changing during this phase of life? Maybe that’s having their pets around, their bedrooms, schools, friends, etc. Keep the focus on the positive stability. 

9. Open Communication Is Key

Regardless of how or why a divorce is happening, making sure to keep lines of communication open regarding your shared kid or kiddos should be a parent’s number one priority. Feeling left out in parenting decisions can be a source of contention when making big changes to family systems. Staying on the same page by communicating even small things will keep things open and neutral with focus on the child. 

8. Take Care Of Yourself

Self care is always important, but especially when you are a parent. It’s difficult to take care of anyone if you aren’t meeting your own needs. Check in with yourself during stressful times. Maybe self care looks like five minutes or a full day on a weekend, but consider taking a moment to learn what refills your cup during this time? 

7. Consider ALL Perspectives

Being a parent means listening, and now is the time to practice your listening skills. Even if a co-parent might not have the same ideas as you, it’s your job to listen and understand their perspective. As soon as your child is old enough listen to their viewpoints as well. Trust that your child knows what their needs are.

6. NEVER Use Your Child As A Tool Or Pawn

Your child will be going through enough change without feeling like they are a burden or part of the problem with a marriage. Putting a child in the middle of issues between spouses can make things worse for everyone. Making sure the child knows this is not their fault should be a top priority. 

5. Always Ask Yourself, What Is Best For Our Child?

If ever in doubt, go back to your gut instinct. What is best for your child in this situation? Maybe it’s switching a weekend so they are able to go on a trip with your ex, or maybe it’s who will be responsible for car pool the next week. Big or small decisions can easily be made by keeping their needs first and foremost in your mind. 

4. Be Flexible

If you’re a parent you know all about being flexible. But now you might be adding in step parents, step siblings, multiple households, multiple schedules to that mix. Making sure you can breathe and go with the flow will be important, not only for you but for your child. Try not to sweat the small stuff. 

3. Foster Relationships

Make space for people who have been down this road. Maybe someone in your family is co parenting or has recently been divorced. Maybe a support group at your child’s school deals with changes associated with divorce. Whatever that connection might be, it’s important for all parties to not feel alone or isolated and connecting with others is a wonderful way to stay on top of you and your child’s mental health.

2. Plan, Plan, Plan

Routine and structure are really going to provide stability to your child (and you) during this transitional time. Keeping a functional, shared calendar for all events and all family members will help create some consistency and ensure practices, games, and other important events aren’t missed. 

1. Show Up

One really beautiful thing that comes out of coparenting can be adding other adults to love your child. Imagine a whole row of supportive adults at every soccer game, play, or spelling bee? This one might be self explanatory, but the more the merrier when it comes to support and love for your kid. 

It’s definitely not easy going through a separation or divorce and adding children to the mix can make things extremely stressful. Mental health during times like these is very important. Staying healthy and on top of your needs as the parent and making sure your child has the proper coping skills to deal with this change are of utmost importance during this transitional time. There are hundreds of support groups, counseling centers, apps, and other resources to connect you to other parents going through similar situations. 

Here are a couple to note: 

 Meetup – We are what we do

The people platform—Where interests become friendships.

Whatever your interest, from hiking and reading to networking and skill sharing, there are thousands of people who share it on Meetup. Events are happening every day—sign up to join the fun.

 Virtual Support Groups | Parents Helping Parents

The purpose of our support groups is to create safe spaces where group members share experiences about parenting no matter where they are on the parenting journey and learn to cope with things they cannot change.

Reference:

Christy Bieber, J. D. (2023, May 4). Revealing divorce statistics in 2023. Forbes. 

Melinda Smith, M. A. (2023, February 25). Co-parenting and joint custody tips for divorced parents. HelpGuide.org.